How I Came to Love Him
by Crystallic Rain
Summary: ON HIATUS - I spent six long years hating James Potter, while he spent that time trying to convince me he deserved a chance. And, drat him, he was right. How could he just go and change my feelings so easily? Lily/James
1. Prologue

**How I Came to Love Him**  
By Crystallic Rain

**Notes:** Hey! I wrote this story not long after _Order of the Phoenix_ came out (my first ever fic), but after I while I gave up because I was unhappy with the plot. Not too long ago, I decided to have another go at it because a lot of people loved it. It's going to be much shorter than it was originally intended (I used to have seven chapters – this will be a prologue and four chapters), but I hope you like it anyway.

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**  
Prologue**

"_That__ James Potter_!" I said through clenched teeth. I sat down on the grass next to my best friend, Natalie, fuming.

"What did he do now, Lily?" she asked, exasperated, folding her arms. "Did he ask you out? Write you a poem? Give you a present? Or did he, once again, confess his undying love to you?" Natalie added, sarcastically, acting as though each one were some horrific action.

"He asked me out," I snapped, glaring at Nat, "just after I tried to stand up for that _slime ball_, Snape, like it was some kind of trade – a date for Snape's release. I don't even know why I bother defending that greasy... moronic... git."

Natalie looked quizzically at me.

"Snape called me a 'mudblood'..." I muttered, turning back to the spot where James Potter and his best friend, Sirius Black, were still torturing Snape.

"Oh... that prat..." Natalie said smoothly. "So, erm... how did James react?" she inquired, trying to act casual, but at the same time suppressing giggles. She was such a sucker for love. After all, James _was_ practically in love with me, no matter how much I denied it. I turned my head back to her, staring into her brown eyes that so perfectly matched her layered, brown hair.

"He freaked out and started yelling at Snape," I replied angrily. "I told him that I didn't want his defense, though. I told him he was just as bad as the _other _prat."

"You know, Lily, I'm sure he isn't all _that_ bad. Maybe if you just gave him a chance, you'd find out you really like him. He's fifteen, maybe in the next two years he'll grow on you," Nat suggested, tentatively.

"Look, just because you'd go out with just about any boy that _breathes_, doesn't mean I would! There is _no_ _way_ I would _ever_ go out with that boy!" I said, my temper rising.

Natalie looked mortified. "I'm really sorry, Lily, it was only a suggestion. You didn't have to take it! I didn't mean it to be offensive," she rambled, quickly.

I shook my head and looked at my feet. "I'm sorry, Nat, it's just... I was really angry with him. Just forget about it..."

_That James Potter... I would never go out with that boy..._ or so I thought. I never would have imagined that Natalie would turn out to be right.


	2. Chapter One: One Rose, One Chance

**How I Came to Love Him**  
By Crystallic Rain

**Notes:** Finally, done the first chapter! The next chapter is on the way. As always, enjoy.

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**  
Chapter One: One Rose, One Chance**

Just over a year had passed. It was the last day of the summer holidays. I was staying with Natalie so that her family, being pureblood and used to wizarding ways, would take us to King's Cross the next day. My family was not exactly used to me having to run through an apparently solid brick barrier. So, after my first year at Hogwarts, I began arriving at King's Cross with the Blackwoods. The Blackwoods were always very pleased to have me come.

Especially Natalie.

Natalie was a very strange best friend, I always thought. She had brown hair that matched her eyes. She was tall and skinny, but it wasn't her appearance that I found so peculiar. It was… well, her habits and behavior. She had always liked many, many boys. And Nat always had a strange ability to find gossip very quickly. I used to call her "gossip central". But she wasn't the type who'd spread gossip. No, she just liked to hear it for the… entertainment. She used her ability, usually, to find out who was getting in trouble when and for what, but she promised me that she'd find out who was Head Boy and then tell me.

"Of course," she mused, "he doesn't have to be a prefect, but chances are he will be."

I nodded. After all, I had been prefect before I became Head Girl, a title I was most proud of.

"Could be Remus Lupin," Natalie thought out loud. "I suppose he wouldn't be too bad. He was prefect. Or maybe that Ravenclaw prefect... Christopher Kinney?"

We chatted about who the Head Boy could be until we fell asleep. I didn't really care who the Head Boy was, just as long as it wasn't..

"JAMES POTTER!" Natalie shouted to me the next morning, running towards me. I had just stepped off the train after depositing my luggage. I was hoping to thank Mr. and Mrs. Blackwood when Nat yelled at me. "The new Head Boy is James Potter!" she panted.

I gaped at her. "James Potter? _He's _head boy?" I was dumbfounded. I was shocked. I just _couldn't believe it._

Of all the people to be partnered with, _why him?_

"You're joking, right?" I asked Nat, still unbelieving.

"Nope, I heard it from at least ten people," she said breathlessly, "including that Sirius Black..." she smiled, a dreamy expression coming over her face.

I rolled my eyes. Was I the only one immune to the marauders' charms? Marauders... That's what they called themselves: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter. And that short, little Peter Pettigrew, but he wasn't as, well, important as the other three. He just sort of tagged along.

"Nat!" I said impatiently.

Nat jumped slightly. She seemed to be thinking for a moment.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, James is Head Boy. I'm sure of it," she told me, now realizing what she had been doing before she entered her daydream.

"Well," I sighed, walking towards Nat's parents, "it could've been worse... I guess..."

Nat and I stopped in front of her parents. "Thank you for having me this summer!" I said in the cheeriest voice I could muster in that time of despair.

"It wasn't any trouble, dear," said Mrs. Blackwood. "You're welcome at our house any time!" She added, hugging me.

"And congratulations, again, on becoming Head Girl," added Mr. Blackwood, ruffling my hair. I smiled at him.

After Nat said goodbye to them, we boarded the train. I went off toward a carriage in the front where the prefects and Heads were supposed to be sitting, while Nat left for a compartment a little ways down where she had seats with our other friends.

I ambled slowly towards the first carriage, staring at my feet, contemplating how miserable the ride might be. When I finally looked up, I was already in one of the first cars. There, standing at the other end, was James Potter.

I closed my eyes, thinking, 'What on earth could he want now?' I kept walking toward the end of the carriage.

Yes, it was James, looking the same as he had last year. No. Not quite the same. Something was different... but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Hi, Ev – I mean, Lily," he said, breathlessly. "Congratulations on becoming Head Girl!" His hands were behind his back.

"Thanks," I said, a bit annoyed. "You, too," I added, not wanting to sound too cruel. I stopped in front of him.

"I… erm…" he muttered, looking at his feet. "I have a present for you." He blushed. "For becoming Head Girl, you know…" He took one of his hands from behind his back and put it through his hair.

"You… have a present for me?" I was unsure of what to think, remembering all the previous "gifts" he'd given me, all horribly embarrassing and usually just plain mean.

'Maybe he changed?' said a little voice in my head.

'Maybe it's a prank!' said another voice on the other side of my brain.

I bit my lip. Was this just another trick? Or was he simply being kind?

"Yeah," James said, tentatively. He pulled his hands out from behind his back. He was holding a rose. "I enchanted it," he explained, "so it'll last forever."

"Just one, this time?" I inquired sarcastically, remembering last year, when he'd spread over a hundred red roses throughout the common room for me.

"Just one rose," he said, looking somewhat pleased with himself. "One rose, for one chance. Please, Lily, just give me _one_ chance."

I took the rose from him, carefully. It was so beautiful. It was a pale yellow, with a pink tint around the edges of the petals. I carefully held it up to my nose. It smelled wondrous. I looked up at James, who was smiling hopefully.

"Fine, Potter," I said. "One chance. But if you mess it up, so help me God…"

"If I mess it up, then I'll never ask you out again," he said slowly.

I raised an eyebrow. It did seem rather tempting. "Fine," I repeated.

"So you promise?" he asked excitedly. "You promise you'll give me a chance?"

"Only one," I said sternly. I entered an empty compartment, and James followed me. I sat down next to a window, fingering my rose gently.

I could feel James's eyes on me, but whenever I looked up at him, sitting across from me, he hastily looked out the window. Perhaps he _had_ changed. He wasn't pestering or aggravating me, he was leaving me alone.

The train finally began moving – time for the prefects' meeting. I explained everything to the new fifth years and reminded all the old prefects what to do. Once they finally left, James and I were left alone again. I secretly wished we weren't, it was making me feel slightly uncomfortable.

As we rode the train, a torrential rain began to fall. Heavy drops pelted the windows. I sighed, still absent-mindedly playing with my new rose. James and I sat through the train ride for about an hour, mostly in silence, though he occasionally opened his mouth, as though to say something, but then thought better of it. I was befuddled by his quiet behavior.

After that hour, we had to patrol the train. James quietly followed me around, as we walked through the steam engine. I told him I was going to sit with Natalie for a while, and he nodded, told me that he'd see me later, and left, probably to find Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"What are you holding, Lily?" Nat asked me the moment I entered the compartment.

I looked down at my hand. I hadn't even noticed that I was still clutching the enchanted rose. I hastily shoved it in my pocket, suddenly angry with James, though I simultaneously hoped the rose would not get crushed in my pocket. I didn't want _everyone_ to know what I was holding.

"Nothing," I muttered, feeling my cheeks go pink.

Natalie looked at me quizzically, one eyebrow raised. I gave her a look that said that I'd tell her later. She looked away.

The journey passed more quickly when I was spending time with Natalie and my other friends; I felt much more comfortable with them. I sat there for nearly the rest of the train ride, not really listening to what any of my friends were saying. To tell the truth, I was thinking about James. My hand was in my pocket, feeling the silky petals of the rose. I was just so confused. How could my thoughts about him change so quickly? I no longer despised him… I wasn't sure how I felt about him, though. I was sorry for all the times I had shouted at him, yet I still hated the way he treated people, cursing and hexing them because he felt like it. Yet, part of me felt like he had changed…

After a while, we changed into our robes, and I carefully transitioned the rose from the pocket of my jeans to my robes. Soon after, there was a sliding of a door and I turned around. James tentatively poked his head inside. I frowned.

"Erm… Lily?" he asked uncertainly. "We… er… have to go to the…" He was gesturing toward the front of the train.

I nodded, and quickly stood up. I followed him out of the compartment. I waved good-bye to Natalie, who waved back, trying to suppress giggles.

I followed James to the front of the train, which was slowing down now, and I was beginning to feel very hungry. We instructed the prefects to begin moving along the carriages, overseeing the commotion of getting off the train.

I was fairly happy to get off of the train, even though it was still pouring rain. I was looking forward to the feast, and I knew that Nat would want to hear what I had been holding when I entered her compartment, and, probably more accurately, why.

The train finally stopped and I stepped out into the rain, holding the door open for everyone who came out behind me. The rain felt more like ice than water, chilling me to the bone.

As soon as everyone left the compartment, I trudged up to the trail where the older students were waiting for the hundreds of carriages led by the thestrals, which I could not see. We learned about them, though, just last year. Only those who had seen death could see them. Though curious about how they looked, I was glad I could not see the thestrals.

I spotted Nat, and squeezed through the crowd toward her.

"Hey," I said. At first I thought she didn't hear me, between the chatter of the crowd and the rumbling thunder. Then, however, I noticed she was checking out Sirius Black.

I prodded her hard in the ribs.

"Ouch!" She squealed. She turned around and saw me. "Oh, hi," she said.

I smiled at her, trying very hard not to roll my eyes again. "Hey," I repeated.

We waited a few minutes as students boarded the carriages, which then departed toward the school. I was shivering, watching the carriages. Another one rolled up, and James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter boarded it. Natalie tugged on my robes and dragged me into their carriage. I assumed that she was very cold, too, and wanted us to get on a carriage as soon as possible.

"Can we join you?" Nat asked. The boys nodded.

I brushed my sopping wet, dark red hair out of my eyes. I was still shaking. I glanced next to me at Nat once or twice, but she was busy looking at Sirius. When I changed my gaze to Sirius, he was looking back at her out of the corner of his eye, grinning, though speaking to Remus. Peter was humming to himself, sitting on the other side of Nat, and James was across from me. He was looking out the fogged up window, though, again, I kept having the impression he had been watching me the minute before.

The carriage slowly made its way up to the castle. We got out of the carriage and quickly ran up the path and inside Hogwarts. It was very warm inside. We entered the Great Hall and sat down, anxiously awaiting the Sorting Ceremony. After all the returning students had sat down, Professor McGonagall came out with the three-legged stool and a battered old hat – the Sorting Hat.

Scared little first years were being led into the Hall now. I remembered how scared I had been when I was at my sorting. I was so relieved when I was placed in Gryffindor with Nat.

We watched as the first years were sorted. I was glad when it was over, because I was now starving. I talked with Natalie and Sir Nicholas, the Gryffindor ghost, all through dinner. I was very content after eating, and I longed to be near the fire in the Common Room, or in my warm bed. After listening to Dumbledore's usual beginning-of-the-year speech, the students all departed to their Common Rooms. I was still talking to Natalie.

"So," she said abruptly, "what are you hiding in your pocket?"

I looked at her for a second before realizing my hand was in my robes' pocket again, absent-mindedly fingering the everlasting rose. I pulled it out from its hiding place.

"Oh, Lily!" Nat gasped, "It's beautiful!"

I grinned slightly. "Yeah… It is, isn't it?"

Nat looked up at me. "It's from James, isn't it?" she asked. I nodded, slowly.

"It'll never die…" I told her. "He told me he enchanted it."

Nat looked at the rose even more affectionately upon hearing that it could not die. I looked down at it too. For the first time, I noticed a faint, blue glow around the flower. I looked up at Nat.

"You don't hate him anymore, do you?" She asked, grinning.

I turned away from her. The truth was I didn't hate James. In fact, I wasn't sure I had _ever_ hated him. Mum always told me, "You can't hate someone, but you can hate what they do." I was wondering, then, if that applied, possibly from the first time I met him, to how I felt about James. Maybe I had _never_ truly hated him. But I couldn't admit it to Natalie. She'd hold it over my head forever.

Besides, Nat would interpret it as a love for him. And I _did not _love James Potter; I just didn't hate him.

We walked up to our dormitory, after giving the Fat Lady the password ("Green beans"). After brushing my hair, which was now dry, and saying goodnight to Nat, I secretly placed the rose under my pillow and went to sleep, confused. I had never felt so unsure about my feelings in my entire life.


	3. Chapter Two: As Promised

**How I Came to Love Him**  
By Crystallic Rain

**Notes:** Another chapter finished. Enjoy!

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**Chapter Two: As Promised**

A few weeks passed, and James was still quiet. He hadn't jinxed or hexed anyone for no reason, he hadn't pranked me, he hadn't asked me out… in fact, he didn't annoy me at all, in any way, shape, or form. It was as though he was plotting something, just trying to trick everyone into thinking he was good before pulling some horrible scheme. And yet, I couldn't help thinking that he had changed…

I had thought James had forgotten about our "deal". Truth be told, I had almost forgotten, too. Once or twice I remembered and I found myself hoping that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to go on a date with him, after all.

Towards the end of September, there was a crowd around the bulletin board in the common room. Nat emerged from the mass of Gryffindors and told me, "There's a Hogsmeade trip on Saturday. It'll be nice to go, won't it? A nice break from studying for our N.E.W.T.s."

"It's always nice to visit Hogsmeade," I sighed. "Just hope the weather won't be as miserable as it is now." I gestured toward the window. Rain was falling again. It had been very chilly for autumn, with a lot of wind and rain. The weather would have been so much nicer if it hadn't been for the constant downpours.

We made our way down to breakfast, discussing what we planned to do on our trip to the village, which would be in only two days. We talked about stopping at Honeydukes and Dervish and Banges, maybe even Zonko's, then visiting the Three Broomsticks. I needed a new quill, too, so we decided to stop at Scrivenshaft's while we were there.

After a small breakfast, Nat headed off to Muggle Studies, and I left for Arithmancy. We waved goodbye until we'd meet each other again at lunch. I slowly ambled toward the East Tower, where Professor Vector taught the difficult class I was taking.

"Lily! Hey, Lily!" came a voice from behind me. I turned around to see James Potter, hurrying my way.

I raised my eyebrows. "Aren't you going to be late for class?" I asked him, a bit colder than I had intended.

"Oh, well…" His hand jumped to his hair. "Well, I wondered if you had seen the notice for the Hogsmeade weekend?"

"Yeah," I said, slightly exasperated, knowing what was coming.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd… erm… like to go with me?" James asked hopefully.

I scowled. I opened my mouth and was about to say how I'd really rather not, and I ought to get to class, when he held up his hand. I stood there, my mouth still open, completely nonplussed.

"Never mind," he said. "I shouldn't have asked." He turned around and began walking down the corridor.

Suddenly, I felt sorry for him, and I remembered the promise I had made him – _one rose, for one chance_…

"James! James, wait!" I called to him, rushing forward. I couldn't help it. I suddenly realized how cruel I had been to him the past years, turning him down without a single chance.

James turned around, still looking slightly disappointed.

"I'm sorry…" I smiled, quite reluctantly. "How about I take you up on your offer?" I added, though regretting it rather quickly.

"You mean…?" James asked tentatively.

"Yeah," I told him, "I'll go with you to Hogsmeade. After all, a promise is a promise. I told you I'd give you a chance, and I meant it."

He smiled and thanked me before running down the corridor, toward his first class. I looked at my watch before taking off, too. Class would start in a few minutes, and I really didn't want to get a detention from Professor Vector.

At lunch, I told Natalie what I did. She gaped at me, as though not believing what she heard.

"You told him 'yes'?" she asked me. "After everything you've told me over the past six years about hating him?" She was half-giggling, half-amazed, and yet she seemed to be proud of me for finally going out with a boy who she considered "a good choice".

"Well, I told you," I tried to explain. "I sort of felt sorry for him. I felt so bad, I just had to do it."

I hadn't told her the real reason; I hadn't told her the rose really stood for the chance I had promised to give James. I wouldn't tell her, either. I'd _never_ tell her.

Nat taunted me about my going to Hogsmeade with James for quite some time. She kept at it for the remainder of the day, and only stopped on Friday evening in the common room when I told her I'd turn her into a singing walnut if she didn't stop. She was quiet instantly – she knew I was extremely talented with Charms and not that bad at Transfiguration, either.

After writing my Potions essay that night, the only homework I had for the weekend, I decided to go to bed. A lot of people had decided to get to bed early, too, so there were only a handful of sixth and seventh years still out. I saw Sirius and James, playing wizard chess, and I had a feeling James would have told his best friend my now. I really didn't want to be laughed at or picked on, so I hurried past them, and up the stairs. I wanted to be in a good mood when I left for Hogsmeade, no matter how little fun the trip with James would be.

'A miserable date, though,' I told myself, pulling down the sheets on my bed and climbing in, 'will be well worth it if it means he'll never ask me out again.'

I woke up the next morning, and, after dressing in a sweater and jeans, I went for breakfast with Natalie. Then, I left the Great Hall and went down to the Entrance Hall where I saw Sirius and James talking. James looked over at me, waved somewhat excitedly, then said goodbye to Sirius. He quickly walked over to me. I vaguely thought how cute he looked in his jeans and long-sleeved shirt, along with a light jacket. But no, this was _James Potter_.

"Hey, Lily," James smiled.

"Hullo, James," I said, grinning reluctantly. I had recently decided that, as James had given up calling me "Evans", I could at least stop calling him by his surname, too.

The weather was more pleasant than it had been all month. There was a small breeze, and it was bright and sunny. I walked with James in silence. This didn't bother me, and I knew he was just fine with it – I could tell he enjoyed my company.

After we entered Hogsmeade, I decided to break the silence between us. I told him that I needed a new quill, and so I asked if it was okay that we stopped by Scrivenshaft's. He said all right.

We entered the large store, containing a variety of quills, ink, and parchment. I picked out a nice quill.

"So, where would you like to go?" I asked James.

He shrugged. "Oh, I don't know…"

I smiled. "Well, then how about we stop by the Three Broomsticks?"

"All right, that sounds nice." He smiled, too.

I paid for my quill and we left the store. We entered the pub, which was, as usual, packed with people. We went to the counter and ordered. I was just rummaging through my bag, trying to find two sickles, when James said, "Don't worry about it. I've got it covered." He placed four silver coins on the counter, taking both the drinks.

I was slightly surprised. "Thanks James," I said.

"Don't mention it." He was smiling, again, obviously pleased with himself.

We walked to the back of the Three Broomsticks to find a seat. We passed James's friends, who smiled at me, as though thankful that I had finally accepted James's offer to go out with him. I felt my cheeks go pink. I told myself, 'This is not a _real_ date. I don't like him that way!'

We sat down quietly. I decided to try to make conversation, asking him how Quidditch practice was going. I wasn't a big fan of Quidditch, mostly because I had grown up with muggles, so I didn't know all the teams and moves and rules, things that _real_ Quidditch fans knew by heart. I rarely showed up for a school match, unless it was the last one of the season, determining which house won the Quidditch Cup. But I never really watched the whole game, even then. I usually brought a nice book, or anything to entertain me while I kept Nat company.

"It's going well," he told me. "I'm the new Quidditch Captain." He said this last part and it struck me odd, because it wasn't as if he was bragging. _That_ was something quite different for him.

"That's great," I said. I took a sip of butterbeer. "You're a chaser, right?" I asked, vaguely remembering something Natalie had mentioned after a match a year or so ago.

He nodded. "Yeah."

We finished our drinks, mostly in silence, and left. We went to Zonko's and Honeydukes, but didn't buy anything. I could tell that James was trying very hard to fight the compulsion to buy something very expensive and very useless. Finally, after wandering around Hogsmeade for the afternoon, we decided to head back to Hogwarts for dinner.

The time at Hogsmeade hadn't been so miserable. In fact, it was quite enjoyable. It wasn't very different from spending the time with Natalie. Except for the obvious fact, of course, that I was not with Natalie but James.

"Well," I said as we came into the Entrance Hall. "I suppose I'll see you later."

James nodded. He swiftly kissed my cheek, then began walking down the corridor. He waved goodbye.

I was stunned. It took me a minute to regain the feeling in my legs. Then I slowly entered the Great Hall, where I saw Natalie talking to Sir Nicholas again. The ghost drifted off as the room began to fill, students sitting at their house tables. I was still completely bewildered about what just happened.

I took a seat next to Nat, thinking over my recent experience. James Potter had just kissed me, and I wasn't angry…

My brain began to work again, and, realizing what had happened, I felt my face turning red.

"What happened?" asked Natalie.

I shrugged. "Nothing…" I said, trying to convince myself that it had not just happened.

"Lily, you're blushing! _What did you do?_" Nat persisted.

"Me? I didn't do anything," I said truthfully. After all, it had been James who had done it.

Natalie considered me for a minute. "What did James do, then?" she asked, almost as though she had just read my mind.

"James?" I asked. I began helping myself to food, trying to delay the moment when she would squeeze the truth out of me.

"Yes, James. He did something… but what?" Natalie said, thinking hard.

Natalie began helping herself to food as well. I was relieved, hoping that she wouldn't pursue the subject. I wanted to keep the kiss a secret until the day that I died.

I was taking some potatoes, slowly putting them on my plate, when Nat gasped. She dropped her fork, which clattered against the table. I looked at her.

"Lily! _Did he kiss you?_" she asked, though I could tell she knew the answer. She was starting to grin and was suppressing another fit of giggles.

I could feel my cheeks going pink again. "Kiss me? No, he didn't kiss me…" I said, returning to my dinner. "It was more like a peck…"

"I knew it!" Natalie giggled, retrieving her fork.

"Look, it was just a little kiss on the cheek, it was nothing, really!" I said angrily.

"Well, then why are you making a big deal about it?" Nat asked slyly.

I opened my mouth, about to retort. Then, I closed it again, trying to think. I repeated this before Natalie spoke again.

"Why didn't you try to stop him?" Nat asked in a mocking sort of voice.

I glowered at her. "I do _not_ like him that way," I said, going red again. But I wasn't sure that was fully true. She was very right, of course. I hadn't tried to stop James, not that I really had a chance. Still, I had the impression that if I had been given the chance, I wouldn't have pushed James away.

That night, I went to bed early again; I didn't go to sleep, however. After changing into pajamas, I lifted my pillow, revealing the rose James had given me. I smelled it again. It wasn't rotting or dying – it was still beautiful. I admired it for a few minutes before placing it carefully back on top of my sheets. I'd given him a chance, as promised, and drat him, he hadn't messed it up – quite the opposite, in fact. It was then that I became slightly scared – scared that I might be falling for the person I disliked most in the world.


	4. Chapter Three: The Kiss

**How I Came to Love Him**  
by Crystallic Rain

******Notes: **As always, enjoy.

******

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Chapter Three: The Kiss**

The end of September came quickly. I was so busy, between Head Girl duties and homework, not to mention studying for my N.E.W.T.s, that it took me by surprise when I realized it was already October. Natalie and I spent long afternoons outside, writing essays, drawing diagrams, doing worksheets, and memorizing terms, spells, and dates. James and I spent late nights in the common room, drawing up schedules for prefects' duties and organizing and scheduling events. Occasionally, Nat would stay up with us, practicing Charms (which was not her strong suit – she was much better with Care of Magical Creatures class) while I gave her pointers. Usually, though, she'd run off with some cute boy – most commonly Sirius – and snog him in a broom closet, though she often denied this.

I didn't feel so uncomfortable around James anymore, so it didn't bother me so much when Natalie ran off. In fact, I liked it better without Natalie. Don't get me wrong, Nat was my best friend in the entire world and always would be, but James was different. James had the ability to make me smile just by being there. The way he sucked on sugar quills, obviously bored by the fact that we had to do tedious things such as drawing up schedules for prefects, but enjoying the idea that he was doing it with me. Then there was the way he sat sideways in his chair, occasionally dozing off when he was extremely tired, and the way he always seemed to convince me to give Remus the least amount of prefect duty (because, as James said, he deserved a break), but the Slytherins the most, at the worst, earliest hours (just to annoy them).

I found myself spending a lot of time in the common room or outside, always thinking. I spent time laying on the grass by the lake, or sitting in an armchair near the fire, thinking about James. I thought about how he had changed – how I had changed. I used to hate James, but that feeling seemed so distant, now.

October passed quickly, and on Halloween, I found myself back in Hogsmeade. It was, once again, pouring rain. I was all alone this time, though; Natalie and some of our other friends had to finish a few essays and study. I had already done my homework earlier that week during free periods, so I figured that I might as well go to Hogsmeade. I felt vaguely miserable, though, being all alone. I decided to get some butterbeer and warm up.

I took a sip of butterbeer and looked around the Three Broomsticks. I wished that someone, just about _anyone_, would come and sit with me, or at least talk to me, so I would be less lonely. This thought had just occurred when James got up from his table.

I finished my drink, then stared down at the table for a moment, until I heard James say, "Hey, Lily. Where's Natalie?"

"Studying," I sighed, looking up at him.

"Ahhh…" He casually put his hands in his pockets.

"I was just going to go down to the book shop. Would you like to come with me?"

"Sure," he responded.

We made our way toward the door and walked outside, and I put up my umbrella up over our heads.

I felt James's hand brush against mine. I looked at him and saw him blushing slightly, turned the other way, determinedly not looking at my face. I smiled and, before I could stop myself, I grabbed his hand, my cheeks turning pink. I glanced over at James, and he looked up at me and grinned.

We began walking down the street toward the bookstore.

That was how I had always imagined love: walking hand in hand with the person you cared about most in the world. Just wanting to be with that person, no matter what, no matter when, no matter where you were. It just felt so right to be with James… Was I really in love? And of all people, was I in love with James Potter, the boy I had hated for six years? No, I _couldn't_ be…

We walked in silence down to the store. James opened the door to the bookshop and I entered, putting down my umbrella. He followed me into the shop.

The store wasn't anywhere near as big as Flourish and Blotts in Diagon Alley, but it was nice and cozy, more like a library than a shop. It had a table or two at the far end for reading, and a small counter in the back with a very kind witch behind it.

I looked around for a new Arithmancy book for class, while James wandered about, looking at all the different sections. I was really happy, quite a contrast of how I had felt about fifteen minutes prior to my trip to the bookstore.

After paying for my book and finding James, we left the bookstore. We saw many students returning to Hogwarts, their hopes for an enjoyable Hogsmeade trip drowned in the rain. Other more hopeful students were still sitting in the Three Broomsticks to wait for the minute the rain might clear up. I asked James if we should just head back to Hogwarts.

"We might as well," he said, "I really doubt this storm will clear up any time soon."

So we headed back towards the school. When we arrived, students were sitting in the Great Hall for an early dinner. I wasn't very hungry though, so I figured I'd head back to the common room to sit with Natalie for a while, maybe read a bit of my new book, and warm up by the fire.

James turned to me, about to kiss me on the cheek as he had on the previous trip, but I turned quickly and put my hand on his shoulder, so we instead kissed on the lips. A _real_ kiss. This time, I had left him stunned. I told him that I would see him later before walking rather quickly to the common room. It took a lot of effort to restrain myself from skipping.

I entered the Common Room nearly ten minutes later to find it about half full. Mostly there were students who were either too young to visit Hogsmeade or those fifth and seventh years who had stayed all day to study. I quickly spotted Nat, who was leaning over a piece of parchment, absent-mindedly scratching her chin with the end of her quill. When I sat next to her, grinning, she looked up at me.

"What on earth are you so happy about?" Natalie asked curiously.

"Oh, I… erm…" I bit my lip. How was I supposed to tell Natalie that I had just kissed my supposed worst enemy? I turned it over in my mind. It truly didn't seem like the James Potter I had just spent the day with was the same James I had met on the train seven years ago, or even the same James from last year, who pulled ridiculous stunts to try and get me to date him.

"Well?" Nat pressed on, eyebrows raised, bringing me out of my thoughts.

'I might as well tell the truth,' I thought to myself. 'I'll just tell her exactly how it happened.'

"Well, you see…" I began quietly. I most certainly did not want people to overhear. "I… well, I was sitting at the Three Broomsticks…"

Natalie leaned back in her chair to sit more comfortably. She obviously could tell that it would be a long story. I told my tale and watched as her mouth opened wider with every sentence I spoke. I could tell that she hardly believed a single word of it.

"You kissed him?" Nat asked.

I nodded, guiltily. Nat was giggling by now, and I found it very hard to not join in. I was so happy. Even the dismal weather could not bring my spirits down.

I was now not so confused, but _happy_; I felt happier than I had felt in ages.

I was amazed at how my thoughts about James Potter had changed so dramatically over the past two months, but I was very glad that they had…


End file.
